I have Dine tomorrow night The 3 hour program that includes dinner. Last week the meal was super easy, like I wouldn't have eaten it at home, but it's nothing I would have flipped out about.
But I got a text from Alex (leader) this afternoon saying we're going to Chevy's. Chevy's. I looked up the calories (which I know I'm not supposed to) and all the entrees are like 1000+ calories, not kidding. And we have to drink a caloric drink on top of that.
I texted Alex, "Hi Alex, sorry to bother you. I know I shouldn't be doing this, but I'm looking at the calorie count of the entrees at Chevy's and they're really high. Are we going to have to eat an entire entrée?"
To which she replied, "Hi Sarah. I know it's really really tough not to look up menu items beforehand and I know you may be feeling anxious. Try to remember, it's just one dinner. We can talk about this tomorrow before the meal too."
She's going to make us eat the entire entrée. Like, I don't know how I'm going to do that. That's a freaking shit ton of calories, and more than I eat in one day. Plus a caloric drink on top. Like I'm totally flipping out. I don't know how I'm going to do it. I don't want to do it, it's freaking me out. How can I eat all that in one meal???
I know it's not helping my recovery, but I'm seriously considering supplementing it (for those of you not familiar with treatment terminology, that means drinking an extremely highly caloric shake in place of the meal) because that would be less calories. And I know if I do that they're going to question whether or not I should be in the program.
But I can't do eat that much. Like I'm going to have to skip breakfast and lunch for this. I'm literally just going to fill up on coffee and diet coke tomorrow, and even then that's more than I'm okay with eating. I know I'm supposed to be moving towards recovery, but this is too much. I'd honestly rather eat pizza (which is a fear food).
I feel so immature right now, but I don't wanna do this. I can't.
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