The end of a crazy week


It's the end of a crazy week. I successfully completed 3 all-nighters in a row. I did get about 1.5 hours of sleep last night, which is good. I'm also super energized right now, I feel like exhaustion is like fuel for me.... it pumps me up and makes me talk a mile a minute.

I got my results back from my Tuesday exam. I did really well in it, so I guess the all-nighters paid off. Hopefully in the future though I won't have to pull so many all-nighters in a row.

I still have an exam in a few hours that I'm not prepared for. I might skip my next class (which is really straightforward) so I have more time to study. I'll see how far I am in studying and decide then.

I was supposed to babysit tonight, which I was really stressed out over because no sleep+kids is not a good combination. But thankfully the whether cancelled their event, so I have the night off and can get some sleep.

I forgot to pack lunch again, which has been a reoccurring theme. And I know eating something before my exam is probably a good idea, there's just nothing on campus that I want to eat, or that feels doable. Plus I'm convinced that when I get home at 4pm is a good time for lunch. Normal people eat lunch at random times, right? I guess I need to start packing my lunch the night before so that I actually take lunch to school with me.

I'm bummed about the storm. I was supposed to go to the Veg Fest in D.C. on Saturday with some friends, but it looks like it's going to be rained out. I was really looking forward to it. I also have no plans for the weekend now, and I'm trying to be more social, so now I have to find something to do.

I feel like I could post multiple times a day. I just have so many thoughts, and I want to express myself to people, by I don't talk. I mean, I talk, but not a lot. It's easier for me to express myself through text. I can think about what I have to say, and for some reason I use better vocabulary when I write?

I'm burnt out. I'm done studying. I can't study anymore. My brain is fried. This exam is only worth 10%, and I'm just tired of stressing over it. I need a break. I've been going through my notes, and nothing is sticking. I just have to trust God that whatever happens in this exam will work out for the best, which is really hard when I feel this unprepared.

My anxiety is really high the last few days. I guess it's not surprising given the amount of caffeine and focallin I've been consuming. But I also have a lot on my mind. I'm anxious about school. I'm anxious about all the money I've been spending. I'm anxious about applying for jobs. I'm anxious to hear back from my therapist to hear that I got the extension, even though she's confident I will. I'm anxious about this "toxic" situation I'm in - my therapists right, but I don't know how to get out of it. I'm too nice, and avoid conflict, and put other people ahead of myself. I feel like I need to cry, even though I don't have a real reason too. I'm just overwhelmed, and my anxiety is higher than usual, and I'm so conflicted about so many things and I don't know what to do.

Days like these I wish I had therapy every day, or at least still had a support group.

Oh my gosh, Keebler fudge stripes pumpkin spice are too good to be true. I could eat this whole package. But I won't.

Next day...
This post was supposed to be published yesterday. But I fell asleep before I could finish it. I don't even remember much about last night. I took my exam, it wasn't too hard but I don't think I did that well. But we'll see. I came home, ate lunch (and pumpkin spice Keebler fudge stripes, apparently). And passed out. I think I woke up when my roommate came home, but I wasn't like LIVE, I was way too tired to know what was going on (and maybe a little intoxicated?)

I woke up this morning, made breakfast, and then fell asleep while I was eating it (to give you an idea of how tired I am).

Now I'm about to adult, and get some stuff done.

Finish this assignment before noon
Pack lunch night before school
Find something social to do this weekend

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