Fears vs. Benefits of Recovery

My dietitian gave me an assignment to write out my fears of recovery, and the benefits of recovery. I had no problem coming up with a list of fears (although while they're all different, some may seem really similar), but I struggled with making a list of benefits.

Here are the lists.

Fears of Recovery

1. Being weight restored and still having all my ED thoughts and behaviors (e.g. obsessive compulsive behaviors around food, anxiety or avoidance of eating around people, constantly obsessing over what I'm going to eat, etc.)
2. Being recovered from my ED, but still having all my other problems & not being able to cope with them.
3. Losing my identity - not knowing who I am without my ED, or feeling unique/different.
4. Feeling valueless
5. Fear that I'll do all the work and fail at recovery, and that I'll do all the work for nothing.
6. All the emotions that I numb out with my ED coming at me with full force.
7. Not having it as a safety net or back up plan - doing poorly in school, not being able to be self-sufficient, not doing well in my career, being alone.
8. Not feeling loved by my family, losing their emotional support.
9. Not getting attention from my family.
10. Not having something that's MINE, that I have complete control over.
11. Being alone and rejected and feeling worthless; with my ED, none of that matters.
12. Dealing with things in the big world - my ED makes me only have to deal with one simple thing - my ED.
13. Dealing with responsibilities of growing up that I've been able to avoid.
14. Being independent - as much as I know independence is a good thing, I don't feel equipped for it. And I was independent most of my life, and I feel like I missed out on being dependent.
15. Not being cared for/about
16. Losing my community of friends who get what I'm going through and support me - all my "friends" are from treatment. Not making real friends.
17. Not being able to handle life outside of my ED.
18. Feeling like nothing because I don't have my ED.
19. Not having the structure, rigidity, routine my ED brings me.
20. Not being able to celebrate holidays with my family, because my ED has made things incredibly scary and awkward with them.

Benefits of Recovery

1. Not being controlled by my ED, feeling free.
2. Experiencing positive emotions - but that also scares me, because you can't have the good without the bad.
3. Having energy to do well in school and volunteering.
4. Thinking clearly.
5. Being physically healthy (which also scares me - see list above)
6. Being able to enjoy meals with my family.
7. Participating in holidays and vacations with my family.
8. Not isolating all the time.
9. Future - grad school, career, maybe a family.
10. Being able to tell my story and give hope to others.
11. Maybe being able to make friends, and actually enjoy being with other people.
12. Not being tired all the time.
13. Not being a financial and emotional burden on my family.
14. Maybe being able to find things I enjoy - but also scares me because what if I don't?